Usapang Lalaki

after 48 yrs, i finally decided to update my blog again. it's quite a long time since i last posted an entry here. medyo nawala ako sa sirkulasyon ng blogsperyo. madami kasing nangyari. talgang madami. hindi ko maisaisa dito. o mas magandang sabihing hindi ko kayang sabihin dito. dahil bka mabasa nya. nino? kung sino ang unang naiisip mo.

sa isang forum, may nabasa akong thread. Na-engganyo akong basahin dahil sa sulsol ng isang kaibigan. pagkatapos kong basahin, na realize ko na tama. tama ang lahat ng nabasa ko. narealize ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko nmn naiisip nung mga panahong ako ang nasa ganoong sitwasyon.. siguro dahil persistent ako na maayus ang mga bagay na alam kong hindi nmn na maayos. ngayon eto, basahin mo. ng makapag isip isip ka. :]




*grabe. usapang lalake*
*sindi ng yosi*
*hithit*
*buga*

Musta na, pare?
Ako, okay lang.
Eto. Nagmumuni-muni. Nag-iisip.
Minsan talaga may mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan.
Ewan ko ba.

*hinga ng malalim*

Bakit ba ganun pare,ilang beses ko na pinag-aralan pero lagi na lang lumalabas na parang kahit ‘sang anggulo mo tingnan,
hindi nagiging patas para sa mga lalake ang ilang bagay pagdating sa pagmamahal.

*tingin sa stars*

Minsan naiisip ko, alam kaya ng mga babae ang hirap ng lalake
na gumawa ng first move para magtapat ng pagmamahal?
E yung hirap na dinadaanan sa panliligaw at pagsuyo sa mahal nya?
Ang feeling ng masaktan pag nabasted?
Malamang-lamang siguro, hindi ano.
Wala naman yata silang alam sa mga paghihirap naten e.

Ang alam lang ata nila e
mamili, manakit, at magsaya.
Tingin mo?

*tingin sa malayo*

Lagi naman ganun. Una pa lang, lalake na ang naghihirap.
Hassle saten ang panliligaw pero bago pa yun,
kung ano pang diskarte ang gagawin naten
para masabi naten sa kanila na mahal natin sila.
Alam kaya nila yun? Mahirap magsabi na mahal mo na yung babae, diba?
Tapos liligawan pa naten.

Patutunayan na mahal nga sila.

Susuyuin..

to-the-max.

Maghahatid sa bahay, tutulungan,
sasabayan, palalamunin, pagtyatyagaan,
lahat na.

Kulang na lang e pagsilbihan mo nang
walang sahod. (Hahaha!)

At ano ang kapalit? Well, depende sa trip nila. Oo tol, sa trip lang nila.
Wala silang pake kesehodang mahal natin talaga sila.

Basta ang alam nila, pag di nila tayo trip,
isang malaking HINDE ang makukuha
naten,

kahit umiyak pa tayo ng dugo o lumuhod sa mga asing buu-buo.
Para lang silang namimili ng damit na di man lang sinusukat bago ayawan.
Kaya kahit mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal natin, sorry tayo.
Hindi nila alam kung mahal mo sila.
Kailangan mong maabot ang kanilang mga standards o uuwi ka lang na bad trip, iiling-iling, at minsan, luhaan.

Wala tayong magagawa, marami silang alibi.

“Hindi pa ‘ko ready eh..”,
“Sorry pero I think we should just be friends..”,
“Ha? Uhhmm.. nagpapatawa ka ba? Hahahaha..”
“Better luck next time na lang muna, okay lang?”,
“Give me a decade. Pag-iisipan ko muna..”,
"Para lang kitang kapatid eh.. "

yaddah yaddah.

Isang malaking pagsasaklob ng langit at lupa ‘yon para saten.

*kuha ng bote ng beer*
*lagok*
*lunok*

At hindi lang ‘yon tol. Sa pre-relationship stage pa lang yon.
Pag sinagot na nila tayo, satin pa rin ang hassle.

Tayo daw ang mga lalake kaya..
tayo ang hahawak ng relasyon.
Tayo ang aayos kung may gulo;
tayo ang dapat magpapakabait;
tayo ang magtatyaga;
tayo ang magiging devoted at faithful;
tayo, tayo tayo.

Sila? Ummm… Teka, isipin ko.

Ayun.

Sila ang magsasabi kung anong oras kayo dapat magmeet;
sila ang magtetext ng mga mushy at kabalbalang texts;
sila ang magdedemand sayo ng kung anu-ano;
sila ang magbabawal;
sila ang magsasabi kung kelan ka dapat mag-shave,
kung kelan ka pwedeng tumawag sa bahay nila,
kung kelan sila di dapat bad tripin dahil meron sila,
at kung kelan ka korni.

Ewan. Ganun ata talaga.

*kuha ng bote ng beer*
*lagok*
*lunok*


Hindi pa yun tapos pare, dahil dapat tayo ang bahala kung ano ang magiging takbo ng relasyon.

Pag maganda, edi okay.
Pag may problema, kasalanan naten.
Haay buhay. Minsan talaga kung tutuusin sakit sila ng ulo.
Kaya lang mahal naten kaya di na natin iniintindi yun.

*hinga ng malalim*

Pero alam mo tol, feeling ko mas sincere pa tayo magmahal sa kanila.
Alam mo yun, iba tayo magmahal e.
Hindi lang parang laru-laro lang. Seryoso.
At kung magmahal man tayo, lubus-lubusan.

Mas mature?
Hindi yung parang pambata lang gaya nila na kesyo magseselos-selos, iiyak-iyak, iina-inarte, dadradrama, at kung anu-ano pa.
Hindi lang kababawan. Ka-mushyhan. Kababaihan. Iba tayo pag nagmahal.

*hinga ng malalim*
*tingin sa malayo ulit*

At ito pa ang pinakamasaklap.

*singhot*

Ang ending ng relasyon.
Sa mga panahong ‘to, either
sawa na sila, hindi na tayo trip,
may nahanap na silang better saten,
o kaya they need f*cking space and time muna.
Bad trip no? Wala na naman tayong choice. Sila ang masusunod.

At ano pa ang kasamang hassle don?
Syempre wasak na ang imahe naten.
Tayo ang lalabas na may kasalanan.
Na playboy. Na nagpapaiyak.

*iiling*

Tayo siyempre ang mga antagonist
at sila yung mga bidang inaapi at parang mga pusang iiyak-iyak.

Ang ending:
mag-ooffer sila ng “friendship” kuno matapos tayong pagsawaan,
lahat ng gifts naten nasa kanila,
sawi tayo sa pag-ibig, “player” na ang image naten,
at higit sa lahat,
mag-iisip kung papaano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay.
Maiiwan tayong tulala, mag-iisip kung saan nagkamali, mamomroblema sa pag-aadjust sa pagiging single, at di na naman makakatulog.

Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake.
Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere.
Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no?

Ako, kamusta? Eto.
Yoyosi-yosi. Bubuntong-buntong hininga. Titingin-tingin sa bituin. Mumuni-muni. Lalagok ng alak

Ang mga babae talaga, oo.

..jeszieBoy
..I'M BACK BLOGGING! :]

KARMA by Alicia Keys

do you guys believe in BAD KARMA? ako kasi I personally believe it. many instances had happened to me which made me really think that there is KARMA. I don't know if they're just coincidence or something, but i don't believe on that, I mean, COINCIDENCE. for me there's no such thing. so, KARMA is freakin' real, and yea, it freakin' freaks me out! :]] anyways, here's another instance happened just a few days ago that reminded me again that KARMA is just around. and they're way faster than you think they are.

I was in SM fairview that time to buy some stuffs.after buying, i waited for a bus that would take me home. then minutes after, may dumaang jayross bus. edi pinara ko. the conductor said na maluwag pa daw sa loob. pagpasok ko nman puno. some were even in standing ovation. no choice namn ako. umandar na ung bus eh. so i was standing. but i'm used to it naman. pagod nga lang ako non kakalakad.

after a little while, may bumaba sa tapat ko. I sat down. tapos may sumakay na babae. there was this man who was about to give his seat to that lady, when suddenly, she found one just behind me. the man saw that she has already found one. so he tilted back to his seat. but too late. another man had already occupied his. so he had no choice but to really stand. And i found that really funny. hindi ko mpigilan ung tawa ko, so i covered my whole face with my bag and chuckled. but i know, it was very obvious na tumatawa ako kasi my shoulders were vibrating.

little did i know, kasunod na pla agad nun ung karma ko. hindi ko alam, nakaidlip pala ako sa biyahe. pag gising ko, nasa PHILCOA NA AKO! eh sa may riverside lang ako dapat bababa.tae talga! edi ayun. sumakay tuloy ako pabalik. natawa nalang ako sa sarili ko. ayoko na ng karma! kaya aun. todo ingat na ko ngaun. haha.

..jeszieBoy
..cause what goes around, comes around. What goes up, must come down. ♪♪♪

WHAT GIRLS LOVE TO TALK ABOUT BOYS

naisip yo na ba mga tsong kung ano tungkol satin ang pinaguusapan ng mga babae? naisip ko na yun minsan. ung makikita mo silang nakatingin sau. tapos magbubulungan, tapos magbubungisngisan. hindi mo alam kung naga-guwapuhan sau, o sadyang nantitrip lang. o baka naman may kulangot ka lang na nakadungaw sa ilong mo kaya sila nagtatawanan. pero kung anu pa man ang dahilan, pasalamat ka na lang at napaguusapan ka!

oo marami tungkol sa ating mga lalaki ang pinaguusapan ng mga babae. pero hindi ko akalain na pinaguusapan din nila ang mga bagay madalas din nating pagusapan tungkol sa kanila. nawindang talaga ako ng marinig ko ang mga yun. hindi ko talaga akalain. hindi sa nakikinig ako. hindi lang talga maiwasang marinig ang mga linyang iyon.

last week lang to actually, PE namin nun. Practical namin, basketball. letter A ang surname ko. kaya tapos na ko. nakaupo na lang ako habang nanunuod sa mga iba pang nag papractical. may tatlong babae nasa harap ko, naguusap sila habang nanunuod din sa ibang nagpa practical. hindi yata nila alam na napapalakas ang mga boses nila. at lalong hindi yata nila alam na may lalaki na nasa likod nila.

girl1: tinganan mu mare ung sa kanya ang laki o. nakayuko. umbok na umbok! (sabay halakhak!)
girl2: haha! anlaki pala ng etits nyan. tatahi tahimik lang pero may tinatago pala!

girl 3: ay abangan nyo ung kay david, malaki kaya un? (sabay halkhak!)

girl2: ganun ba tlga un mare pag malamig? umuumbok?
girl1: malay ko. siguro. anlalaki ng etits nila ngaun eh. haha!

girl3: baka dahil naka jogging pants.

napansin yata nila na may tao sa likod nila kaya hininaan na boses nila. wala na tuloy akong narinig. sayang. naalala ko tuloy ung isa pang pangyayari nung bagong pasok ako sa school bilang isang college. nakaupo ako habang naghihintay ng next subject ko. may katabi akong dalawang babae. mayamaya may dumating na isa. todo kwentuhan sila. hindi ko nmn sila pinapansin dahil nirerebyu ko nun ung lesson ko. may quiz kasi sa next subject ko. pero nung napunta ung usapan nila sa sex, nawala na ko sa konsentrasyo ko.

girl1: o ano, may nangyari na ba sa inyo?

girl2: huy anu ka ba! wala pa no!

girl3: asus. kunwari pa. ayaw pang aminin.

girl2: wala pa nga! natatakot pa tlga ako eh.

girl3: anu ka ba. bat ka nmn matatakot magcocondom naman eh.

girl2: kahit na. masakit kaya.

girl3: sa una lang siyempre. pero masasarapan ka din.

girl1: gusto mu isubo mu nalang.haha!

girl2: yuck! ang baboy mu tlga!

girl 1: anu ka ba, ganun talga!

girl2: eh panu pag nilabasan? edi makakain mu?

girl3: uu nga, kinakain nga daw un eh.

girl1: gaga! kung ayaw mu di wag mung kainin! pero nakakataba daw un eh.

bigla na akong umalis. masarap makinig sa mga ganung usapan ng mga babae. pero hindi pag magisa ka lang. ang pakiramdam eh para kang isang outcast. kaya umalis na ko.

"ang baboy nyo! ayan umalis tuloy si kuya."

yun ang huli kong narinig sa sa kanila. habang naglalakad ako. kung me kasama lang sana akong nakikinig sa kanila. haha. hindi ko akalain na naguusap din pala ang mga babae tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay. hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o ano. pero muka namang exciting!

..jeszieBoy

..mga babae tlga! tsk3.. :]

Doc, Break it to me gently!

(an entry from my former blog)

Babala: ang inyong mababasa ay naglalaman ng masyadong kadramahan!


Being obsessively secretive is part of my personality. However, it was innate. It originated from my childhood days. There were a lot of unpleasant incidents that confronted me, which I think were inappropriate for a child to bear. My family, especially my parents didn’t have a single idea of what has happened to me during those days. I kept them within the vicinity of myself. As a result, being secretive became natural to me.

A few people know the real me. The real jeszie. And these people are my friends for the past 5 yrs. They’re the ones who truly know everything about me. Including this revelation that I’m gonna divulge today through this post. I’ve been keeping this sort of secret for the last 6 yrs. I was just then 12 yrs old when I first realized that my life would never be the same again. I kept it within myself because I was afraid that if people would get to know my situation, they might treat me differently. And I didn’t want that. I tried so hard to stay normal, to keep my life as is. Although my situation was already initiating me the pain. One wrong move and they might get the idea. But today, I’m ready to tell this to all the people. I’m gonna shout to the world what I’ve been going through. And my story starts here.

Kids will always be naughty, impish and hyperactive. Not because they have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), but because they’re kids. What do you expect? Kids love to explore new things on their own. It’s part of their growing up, where they get to learn a lot of things on their own. All of us went through this stage of human’s life cycle. I’ve been through this stage. And included on this package of this stage, is having different diseases. It’s normal to acquire these diseases if you’re just a kid. Part of your growing up.

During my childhood days, I had asthma. So everytime I got really tired and exhausted, rest assure that seconds later, I’ll be gasping for breath. Then my mom would immediately rush me to the clinic, where i get medications. These were just usual to me and my parents. My dad also had asthma.

One instance during my sixth grade days, my mom brought me to the clinic. I just couldn’t remember what the reason was, it was not something serious though. It was just I think, a fever, I really couldn’t remember. But we didn’t expect that the process would be that time-consuming and tedious. When the doctor was assessing me, I sort of sensed that there’s something that this doctor was not telling me. Especially when she placed her stethoscope over my 5th intercostal rib (w/c I still didn’t know during that time!). After the physical assessment, the doctor talked to my mom, and she told her that I had to undergo certain tests to assure that "thingy" that she wanted to be assured of. So, together with yaya, (my parents were always not available to be with me, co’z they had worked. Very seldom it happens, when my mom goes with me.) I underwent Xray, ECG (electrocardiograph, which i found really creepy!) to cut it off, the doctor told us that it should be the mom who had to be with me when she tries to assess the results. So, my mom absent herself from work, just to hear this horrible news. And as verbalized by the doctor:

“Mommy, based po dito sa result ng ECG ni jessie,
positive po, MAY RHEUMATIC HEART DISEASE PO SIYA.”

Upon hearing those words, a surge of freezing cold sensation struck my thoracic cavity. My heart was pounding so hard. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t ask, I couldn’t say anything. That time, I barely know anything about this rheumatic heart disease, but one thing I was so sure of, was that, it’s a heart disease. SAKIT SA PUSO! I kept throwing questions to myself. How on earth did I acquire this? What’s gonna happen to me? ain’t I’m too young to have this? Am I gonna die through heart attack?

Now my life would never be the same again. Now I know why sometimes, i would feel excruciating pain on my chest. I have a heart disease No. 1 cause of death in the Philippines. Why me? I’m too young for this. But I couldn’t do anything. Even my parents. I could see dreadfulness emanating from my mom's face.

The news was like a virus, it immediately spread to my relatives in batangas and some in surigao. And whenever we go there, I know, my titas and titos, were talking about me. About my situation. It just pissed me off when they treat me like, I’m already dying.

My doctor told my mom that the medication would be within 5 yrs. If the disease wouldn’t abate, then I’d be terminally ill.

The medication was another thing that I really hate about this disease. Once it’s injected, life to me would be really catastrophic. The pain was like, killing me. it’s injected on my right gluteus maximus, or butt area, (that’s why I got a lot of scars over there.) plus it was direct IV I think, or maybe intramuscular that’s why the pain was really exceptional! Another thing is, after the injection, I couldn’t walk properly for 2-3 days because of the pain. And the medication was every after 28 days. Just imagine that, for 5 yrs! ugh..

But the medication didn’t continue. When my doctor migrated to states, my mom and dad decided to stop it. And I agreed to it because the pain was just tormenting me. We were confident that in time, GOD the Great Healer would take this away from me. I was supposed to stop it on my first yr college. But I ceased taking it during 2ND yr high school. And since then, Frequent Chest pains would strike me. And the pain was really unbearable. It was like someone had just casted one of the unforgivable curses to me, the CRUCIATUS CURSE. It has always been an excruciating pain. And I never told my parents about these attacks. I didn’t want them to worry about me. I kept it to myself. Even to my classmates, and friends especially in college. They didn’t know anything about this. Not until they’ve read this post.

And to all of you, who know me, if you could just remember, those times when I had to postpone our gimmicks and stuff, when I didn’t attend our meetings, gatherings and all, it’s not because of those lies that I’ve told you, but they’re because of this. I was combating myself against the attack. I wanted to come so badly. But I just couldn’t.

Up to now, I would still get attacks (I really call it that way!) but not as frequent as before. My last attack was morning of July 27 2008, upon waking up. After that, I never had another one again. And I believe that I’ll never have again. co’z I know GOD has already healed me. I know I do believe. :]



..jeszieBoy
..my heart is so healthy now! I wish. :]

are they like sisters?

kanina, i was watching wowowee. and because it's vacation, i forgot that it's Saturday today. and the reason that i said that is because every Saturday, celebrities get to play in willie of fortune. and it so happened that Rachelle Ann Go was one of the players. so wut's the big deal about that? well nothin' much. upon seeing Rachelle Ann Go lang kasi, just makes me remember one of my exs. she looks just like her kasi. tlga, every time i see Rachelle, parang i always get to see narin nicka, my ex. wala lng. ang laki kasi ng kasalanan ko sa kanya. 'em hoping that she has already forgiven me.

oh ayan tingnan nyo. ng malaman ang sinasabi ko.

See wut 'em talkin' about?hehe.. para silang pinagbiyak ng bunga. namiss ko tuloy tong babaeng to. haha. anyways, here are some of her pics pa. inde na silamaxadong hawig sa mga pics nato eh.

hahay, wag nmn sana xang magalit pag nalamn nyang ginawan ko xa ng post and that i posted her pics here. haha. bahala na! :]] malay mu nmn, hu knows, dito xa makita ng real, destined prince charming nya diba? :]

..jeszieBoy

..pasenxa na nicka ha? hehe. :]

2 thumbs up para kay manong conductor!

I just wanna share this incident that we witnessed. This happened when I was in the BUS, (JAYROSS) with Gab, we were goin' home, from our last day of class. It was I think, about 6 or 7 in the evening.

We always go with these kinds of Air con bus. Medyo mahal nga lang ung pamasahe. But it's perfectly OK. Worth paying for nmn kasi. Kahit ako lang magisa, papasok ng school, o pauwe sa bahay. I always go for Air con BUS. I don't go for jeepneys na. haha! dati, sumasakay pa ko ng FX, pero ngaun, inde na talaga. AIR CON BUS na tlga.

Now, here's the catch. I am very much aware about the rollback thingys of the oil companies. And as a result of that, public vehicles responded to it, so they also had rollback with their fares. If I'm not mistaken, the minimum fare now in jeepneys I think had reduced to 6.00 php. And that is a good news for those who always take jeepneys as a means of their transpo. Now, for us, who always take Air con BUS, it's not a really a good news. Because Air con Buses don't often reduce their fare that easily. Especially kung paunti unti nmn ang binababa ng oil companies. So more or less, halos ganun parin ang pamasahe sa Air con bus.

Now, when we were on the bus, there was this man in front of us. He's just an ordinary guy. Nothing unusual. Of course, i didn't take that picture, until something happened. When the conductor went to him, and he was paying, (i just couldn't remember his destination) 44 php ang pamasahe nya. (narinig ko sa conductor) then sabi nya;

"44? ang mahal naman! anu ba kau nagbaba o nagtaas ng pamasahe?"

But the conductor was not answering. He was rather staring at the man who was just starting to flare up his anger. But this guy was keep on saying things, which I couldn't remeber because I was much interested to the conductor, if how was he feeling.haha. And then they had an argument;

guy: diba nagbaba na ng pamasahe? nasa tv yan ah? bat kau hinde nagbaba? anu to lokohan?

conductor: oo nga sir, pero kami inde nagbaba. mga air con bus ho inde pa nagbababa. 11 php pa rin ho ang minimum.

guy: papano nangyare un? sigurado ka dyan? anu ba plate number nyo. akin na nga. tingnan natin yang sinasabe mo. isulat mu dito dali!

He took a paper from his pocket and gave it to the conductor with much dislike.

conductor: sige sir, walang problema dyan.

After scribbling down the plate number of that bus, he lent it to the man.

guy: sige, tingnan natin yang sinasabe mo. hindi daw nagbaba. teka, tama ba to? baka iniba mu to!

conductor: tama yan sir. Nasa harap ng bus yan sir, tingnan nyo ho mamaya pag baba nyo.

Grabe! Gab and I were so pissed of with that guy. In my opinion, he was almost embarassing the conductor. but what really amused me, was that this conductor, through out their argument, he remained calm and still. From him, I've heard not a single word, or have even seen any form of detestation towards the guy. None at all.

That is the best attitude he's got, that I think we all should seize. Just imagine, what if the conductor, like the guy, was hot-tempered? what will happen to the both of them? they could've killed each other. haha! pero bilib talga ako kay manong. Astig. yan ang pinoy! haha. :]] OA ba?

after taking that last picture, manong conductor looked at me, and I could see on his face that he's quite baffled to what i just did, taking pics of him. I suddenly gave him two thumbs up and smiled. And unexpectedly, he smiled back.! hehe.

kudos manong!

And as for that guy, I don't know what happened to him. And I don't care at all! haha. Basta ang alam ko, after that incident, he kept quiet on his seat. Maybe he came to realize that he was wrong. And that the conductor was right!haha! :]]

..jeszieBoy :]